Stupid Shemale: A Deidara One Shot
by Vixybear
Summary: Taken by two of the weirdest Akatsuki members, "pissed off" was an understatement to describe how Misora felt in the situation. But as she gets to know Deidara a little more, she realizes that maybe he's not as bad as she thought... Slight romance, humor?


"Damn it, Deidra!" cried the girl, "put me down!"

"No, un."

"Misora, please," the red-head puppet freak said calmly, "you're making this harder than it has to be."

"Maybe I wouldn't be making this harder if Deidara would just put me down," she growled, glaring out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh, shut up," the blond male grunted, "you're so annoying, yeah."

"And you aren't?!" Misora remarked, kicking her legs. The criminal sighed, getting a better grip on her legs.

"Stop squirming, Misora," he commanded, "or I just might drop you, un."

"Drop me for all I care! It's better than being carried by a shemale!"

"As you wish." And with that, the male dropped her to the ground, face first. She groaned, rolling onto her back. She looked down; the wire around her wrists was tighter than before, and it scratched her skin, ripping some of it off. She growled, noticing the wire around her legs was also extremely tight, making walking completely impossible.

The blond smirked down at her, his golden blond hair covering his left eye. His bright blue eye watched her carefully.

"You hurt?" he asked.

"No," she denied, eyeing the blood leaking from her skin.

"You're a really bad liar, you know that?" he chuckled, looming over her, "I can see the blood coming from your wrists, un."

"Shut up!" she snarled, biting into the wire with her teeth.

"That isn't going to break the wire, Misora," said Sasori, giving her a look like she was the dumbest person in the world, "it is _wire." _

"It doesn't hurt to try."

"Come on, un," Deidara sighed, picking Misora up bridal style, instead of slinging her over his shoulder like last time. Misora was pleased with this, as being on his shoulder was uncomfortable for her stomach, and she didn't like having her ass so close to his face.

The Akatsuki member smirked down at her while she glared up at him. "You're so cute when you glare, un."

"I am _not _cute!" she protested, squirming in his arms. Deidara tightened his grip on her, his mouth turning into a scowl.

"I think so, yeah."

"Stupid shemale…" she muttered, closing her eyes to try and relax.

"Heard that," the male that was carrying her said, looking down at her without moving his head.

"Whatever."

"You know, if Leader-sama didn't want you to join the Akatsuki, I would've blown you up already," he said suddenly, his tone flat. Her eyes flashed open.

"You're twisted."

"I know," he smirked, "but maybe you like that in me, yeah."

"What?! What are you talking about?!"

"C'mon, Misora, you and I both know you have a thing for me."

Misora laughed hysterically. "Oh, Deidara! You're killing me!" His eyes stayed the same. "You really think I like you?!"

"Yeah."

"Who would like an ignorant shemale like you?!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF BUDDHA—"

"WILL YOU TWO LOVE BIRDS SHUT UP?!" Sasori turned around, his brown eyes flashing with annoyance.

She made a 'hmph' sound and kept silent, only glaring daggers at Deidara who just had a smirk on his face.

"You know…" he started again, his blue eye flickering to hers, "I heard you're a pretty tough girl, un."

"Then you heard correctly."

"Because you were _so _hard to defeat, yeah."

"Are you trying to get me pissed off?"

"Is it working?" the female narrowed her eyes coldly and just looked away. _God damn… he's more annoying than Naruto… Ugh! Why won't my stomach settle?! _

Her body was suddenly out of his arms in an instant. A small shriek escaped her mouth once she was back in the blond's arms. She glared at him.

"Did I scare you?" he questioned, smirking.

"No!"

"Heh. Yeah, right, un," snickered Deidara, "I heard you yelp."

"I didn't yelp," snarled the blue-eyed girl.

"We'll stay here for the night," Sasori announced, and the girl turned her head, noticing a small cave in front of them.

"Alright, Sasori my man," grinned the male behind Sasori.

Misora rolled her eyes as they entered the rather small cave. Deidara put the prisoner down gently, much to Misora's surprise. She laid still as they set up their beds, then frowned, realizing she wouldn't have a place to sleep.

"Where's Misora going to sleep?" Deidara asked out of the blue. Misora opened her eyes, turning onto her side, yawning.

"On the floor," replied Sasori, pulling the blanket over his head, meaning 'shut up and go to sleep'.

The fire cackled loudly, making Misora jump and sit up slowly.

"Looks like someone's tired, un."

"No, I'm not," she yawned once more, attempting to glare at him. A look of concern appeared on his face when he saw her shivering.

"You cold?"

"No."

"Hm. Doesn't look like it, yeah," he said firmly, going over to her and pulling her into his lap.

"Deidara!" she squealed, trying to get out his grasp, but he had his arms safely wrapped around her. This was unexpectedly comfortable to Misora, but there was no way she'd show it.

"Calm down, un. I'm not going to hurt you," Deidara said quietly, "I'll take the wire off your wrists and legs if you promise not to try and get away."

"Hn. Fine," she growled, and the male pulled out an extremely sharp kunai and cut the wire off her sore wrists and ankles, leaving her free. She rubbed her wrists angrily, observing the man behind her with uncertainty. _I wonder what he's up to… _

"Damn, the wire really tore you up, yeah," he said, examining her wrists with his eyes. "Can I take a look at them?" he put his hands on her forearm.

"Get your filthy hands off me!" she hissed, struggling to get his strong hands off her, which she failed at. A warm sensation suddenly appeared where the palms of his hands were. When he removed his left hand, she noticed a mouth on it. _Is that a mouth?! _

She grabbed his left arm, curiosity getting the better of her. She stared at it closely, watching it. The mouth opened, and a longer-than-average tongue slithered out. She jumped slightly, feeling Deidara chuckle.

"Don't tell me you're scared, un."

"No…" there was no mean or hostile tone in her voice this time, but rather a sweet, soft, one, "it's… weird. Wicked."

He laughed. Misora's stomach flipped. _His laugh was adorable! _she thought, then shook her head. _No. Nothing about Deidara is adorable._

"Deidara?"

"Hm."

"How'd you get these? On your hands?"

"It's a kinjutsu. From my village," answered Deidara, amused by her curiosity.

"Oh," she ran her fingers along the palm of his hand once the tongue retreated back into the mouth, noticing it felt just like a regular hand. She put her palm against his, measuring how much larger his hand was to hers.

Deidara's mouth opened slightly, shocked at the way she was acting. She was a completely different person when she wasn't angry or in rage mode, and he found her quite entertaining. _So maybe having her join the Akatsuki won't be much a waste after all…_ he thought, watching her face from the side.

She abruptly pulled her hand away from his, looking down in shame. _Pull yourself together, Misora. You can't show a soft side around anyone… especially Deidara._

"Misora…" he whispered, "is there something wrong?"

"No," she snapped angrily, "just leave me alone." She attempted to crawl out of his lap, but the man pulled her back, closer than before. She opened her mouth to gasp, but no sound came out.

He flipped her around so the girl was facing him, their eyes locking. He stared into her dark eyes, searching them for her emotions.

Misora stared into Deidara's only seen eye, trying to figure out what he was doing. He leaned forward slowly, watching for her reaction.

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was going to do. She fell back onto her hands, her thoughts clouded.

"Deidara...!" the brunette exclaimed somewhat quietly, glaring at him. She looked away, outraged at how she almost let him kiss her.

Deidara returned the glare at her, but it was mostly pointed towards himself. How could he do that? How could he possibly have feelings for Misora?! _Ugh… I'm so stupid… _he thought, mentally kicking himself.

Misora, fuming, annoyed, and irritated, made her way across the fire, away from the blond as much as possible. She leaned against the rock wall, shivering slightly at the coldness. With one knee raised, that was most comfortable for Misora at the time.

Letting her head rest on the wall, she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off into sleep.

At some point during the night, Deidara couldn't help but sacrifice his warmth for Misora, so he took his blanket and gently set it on the brunette, making sure it covered her up to her neck.

He reluctantly crawled back to his 'bed' and stared at Misora through the fire. She looked so peaceful while she slept. Well, didn't everyone?

Deidara knew he screwed up. He shouldn't have tried to kiss her. He shouldn't have tried to get close to her. But most of all, he shouldn't have developed feelings for her.

When morning came around, Deidara woke to see Misora gone. He sat up, panic rising in him. If he didn't bring Misora back, he would… well, let's forget about what would happen and focus on finding her.

"Sasori! Wake up, un!" Deidara demanded, throwing his pillow at the red-head.

"Huh?" the puppet master groaned, rolling towards his acquaintance, "what's going on?"

"I lost Misora, yeah!"

Sasori sat up, "what do you mean you _lost_ her?"

"Last night I cut the wires and now she's gone!"

"You cut the wires?" Sasori repeated, a blank expression on his face, "why?"

"I – I don't know! We've gotta find her, un," he stood up, putting on his cloak.

"Deidara," said the red-head, "what's gotten into you? Do you have feelings for Misora?"

"No!" denied the blond, turning away to hide his blush. Sasori sighed, knowing his partner was lying.

"I knew you liked her…" muttered Sasori, putting on his cloak as well, "what did you do to scare her off?"

"Nothing, un," he ran outside the cave, his blue eyes searching for the dark brunette. A couple meters ahead, he spotted her sitting next to a small pond. He sighed in relief.

"Found her, yeah," announced Deidara to Sasori, who had joined him.

"It surprises me she didn't run off," Sasori said, in his usual emotionless voice, "she must like you back."

The blond tried to ignore his partner's last comment, but he couldn't. "I'll go get her. You go on ahead. We'll catch up, un."

Sasori said nothing, only beginning to walk away in the direction of the hideout. Deidara swallowed as he headed toward Misora. _Is she mad at me? Why didn't she leave? Does she like me back like Sasori said? _

"Piss off," she snarled, leaning more forward on her hands, facing away from the man. He sighed, taking a seat next to her. "Are you deaf? I said piss off."

"I heard you, un," he said quietly, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. Her dark brown hair was messy, and her dark blue eyes were red as if she had been crying.

"…"

"I'm surprised you didn't leave," he stated, turning his head towards her, "why didn't you?"

"It doesn't matter why, just be happy I didn't."

"What is your problem, Misora? Why do you keep pushing me away?!"

"None of your business."

"Tell me, yeah."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"You're so god damn annoying!" she exclaimed, rounding on him, "why can't you just leave me alone like I want?!"

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because everyone I've ever relied on, wasn't there! Everyone I've trusted, betrayed me! Because maybe people don't know how hard it is trust someone when they've been lied to!" she screamed, tears streaming from her eyes.

"Misora – I had no idea…"

"I know you didn't! Just… go, Deidara… please…" she whispered, getting up and walking away. "The Akatsuki is no place for me."

Deidara wasn't sure what to do. He could either follow her and risk getting beaten to a pulp, or he could just let her walk away. He had to listen to his heart, whether it got him killed or injured.

He ran up behind her, grabbed her wrist, and spun her around, smashing his lips on hers. Her eyes widened in disbelief, and before she knew it, she was kissing him back. She closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck.

His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her body up against his. He smirked in the kiss, and Misora pulled away, look down at the ground shyly.

"It's okay, Misora," he whispered, using a finger to lift her finger, "I'll be all the things they weren't, un," and he kissed her once more.


End file.
